Almost one month since surgery—and I am still hangin’ in there!

Well, I am feeling a bit better each day.  My main problem is NOT doing too much at this point.  I have never been one to sit or stand still for very long, needless to say, I am up and down a lot.  Another thing is doing things that I should not do just yet at this point in my recovery, such as laundry, running sweeper, and lifting.  I try to gauge it to a point of not doing it all at once, but at times, I admit that I truly do OVER DO it.  One way or another, my healing body tells me, “Knock it off, you are doing too much!”

Next week, I get the port inserted into me near my collarbone, which will go down into my heart; this port will be used to administer the chemotherapy to my body.  I am nervous about this process (scared as all get out to be honest), but I am brave and unworried.  If you believe that one, can I sell you some swamplands?  A week or two later, the chemo will begin!  The closer that I get to this ‘necessary’ part of my recovery, the more terrified that I get about the possible side effects that may happen to my body (nausea, tiredness, infection, loss of hair, heart problems, etc.), not to mention what it will do emotionally/mentally to my heart, mind and soul.  It is natural to be afraid, but damn this is happening to me and that is just something that I am having a hard time dealing with… I mean I have been down this cancer road before a long time ago with a few scares thrown in between for good measure, but I was a lot younger and stronger back then, now I am not so sure how much more this body of mind, not to mention my mind can take… send strength, please!

Everyone tells me that I am STRONG and it will be all right, but hearing and believing are too different things.  Believe me; I appreciate the words and love of my family and friends as this point. One part of me is very positive (I am not sure, if that is the common sense part of me or the strong-will redhead that I am deep inside!), and I can believe their words, but the other part of me is just too worried to be positive especially during those quiet times of rest and trying to sleep.  Does that make sense? 

On another note, I start back to school today.  I have been on medical leave since the end of April.  I am in my Master’s Program for Online Teaching.  So, wish me luck that I can get back into the swing of things and concentrate enough to keep my good grades and my place on the dean’s list at AU.  So, all for now and on that note I should put on my study hat and get to it!  Love and hugs to all my supporters… do stay in touch!

Remember to live, do not simply exist!

Learn something new each day!

Listen, especially to the silent things people do not or cannot say!

Love for all it is worth!

Moreover, laugh until you cry!

Always, Connie